Does it fit?

Fancy restaurants have little delicious dishes and standard spoons, which might not fit.

Take that
“We cannot combine the automated test and the performance test.”, Scott stated. “They don’t fit. It’s a waste of time.”
Alice looked hopeful.
George brushed it away:
“Instead of testing you are talking. You’re the one, who wastes time.”
Scott was a man, who did not mind a good discussion:
“We’ll lose a lot of time, if we do not split the tests. ”
“My decision is definite.” George answered.
“Don’t you understand?” Scott shouted.
Alice started to look white.

“You can leave the room NOW.”
“You cannot run away from decisions.”
George stood up:
“You bet. I will have a little talk with HR right now.”
He went out the room and slammed the door.
Alice looked miserable.

The door opened slowly. George looked inside and said:
“That did not go quite right.”

Take Me To St Louis
“Scott, do you know a person you never shout at and who knows as much about automated tests and performance tests as your manager?” George asked.
Scott was silent for a few moments.
“My mother. ….!? Wait a sec. You are not involving my mom in this discussion!”

“Hi mom”, Scott began.
“What is the matter, son?”, George answered.
“I want to thank for the apple pie you made for me.”
George raised an eye brow, Alice smiled.
“Did you come to talk only about the apple pie? ”
“No, for my work I have to combine automated tests and performance test.”
“I am sorry, son, but I cannot help you with this. Just do, what they told you.”

Scott was shifting gears in his head.
“A performance test for a car is to look, whether it can handle the load.”
Alice put a thumb up.
“I understand: if I can put all ingredients for an apple pie in the car, then it can handle the load.”
“No mom, that is the purpose of an automated test. That one is focused on the functionality of the car: can I open the door, put the ingredients in the car, close the door, and drive away?”
George looked puzzled:
“What kind of load do you mean?”

George nodded.
Scott made another attempt:
“A load for car software are heavy conditions. Does the car ride well with four adults, luggage for long holiday on slippery roads in a dark rainy night?”
“I only fetch my apple pie ingredients in my car during daylight, when the weather is good. ” George explained.
Scott threw his arms up in the air.
A frown appeared on Alice’s forehead.

Take 5
“You are close.”, George assured Scott.

“You know, mom, that a car has a lot of software.”, Scott stated.
“You say so, son.”, George answered. Scott continued with:
“The dashboard must show the right information at the right moment, if I am speeding on the highway. In this case the computers in the car must work very hard. That is the purpose of the performance test.

An automated test can be used to check, whether all buttons and displays of the dashboard work properly. If I drive fast, I am not using every button on the dashboard. So the automated test and performance test cannot be combined. It does not fit.”
Alice put her right hand on her chin.

“Thank you for the explanation, son. You definitely earned an apple pie.”
Alice started laughing merrily. Scott joined in.

After Alice had stopped with laughing, Scott looked at Alice:
“Do you need more arguments, Boss?”

Alice sobered up. She got a focused look:
“You know, that there is a lot of pressure. So I tried to take a shortcut. I notice, that you have a lot of anger. I assume, that you have a need to be understood. Am I right?”
Scott just nodded.
“This basically means, that a choice must be made between quality and functionality. “, Alice continued.
“At the moment Quality has the best chances.”

Alice turned away from Scott.
“George, I really want to thank you for ..”
George’s chair was empty. He had left the room.

 

FAQ for Tester Recruiters

An imaginary situation decades ago.
[Phone rings. I pick it up. Interested, who is calling]
I: “Hi”
Caller: “Hi. Joe mentioned you were interested in a blind date.”
I [Pleased to be called]: “Sure.”
Caller: “Are you intelligent?”
I [Ignoring the undertone]: “I am studying at the university.”
Caller: “That’ s great. Can you talk about computers?”
I [Internal sigh]: “I am studying computer science.”
Caller: “Are you attractive?”
I: “Just pretty.”
Caller: “Hum”
I [Annoyed]:”Why can pretty people have no blind dates?”
Caller: “Do you look good in a bikini?”
I [Upset]: “Excuse me. I am a man!”
Caller: “I just thought you had a low voice. Sorry for wasting your time.”
I [Angry]:”What the …”
[Caller ends conversation.]

Standard questions from tester recruiters, which are usually asked at speed date speed
Are you interested in a job?
Yes. I don’t have a job.

[LinkedIn] Can we connect?
If I do not know you, then I will not connect with you. I connect with you, if I trust you.

Would you please call me?
If you provide enough information about your company or customer, I might be willing to call you. It is also handy to provide a phone number.

Would you like to send me your CV?
All relevant information is on LinkedIn. I will send you my CV, if I am interested in the job.

Where do you like to work?
In the Randstad and the area southward to and including Breda.

 

Do you work and think on an academic level?
Yes. I am an engineer graduated at Eindhoven University of Technology.

How long have you tested?
In 1996 I started with my career as a professional tester. The information can be retrieved from LinkedIn.

Do you have relevant test certificates?
Yes, look at my LinkedIn profile.

Do you know the following test automation tools [tools names]?
I have no experience with test automation, but I have theoretical knowledge. At the moment I am experimenting with Selenium, Eclipse, and Java. I have more than 5 year experience with programming in C and C++.

Do you have experience with scrum?
Yes, one year.

Do you know Cucumber?
No. But I can pick it up.

Do you want to freelance?
No.

I’ve got a job for a test coordinator. Is this interesting?
It depends. I can make test plans and test reports, if necessary. But I prefer to test hands on most of the time.
Do you want to be a senior tester?
Yes. Please.

Do you know other testers, who might be interested in this job?
Yes, I know a lot of good testers. Even excellent ones. In the past I suggested some names. I did not get proper feedback, so I decided to stop mentioning names.

More preferable questions for me from tester recruiters
How can I contact you?
Just send a personalised e-mail.
What is “personalised” according to you?
If I replace my name by the name of a random fellow tester and the mail is still applicable, then it is not personalised.

Do you want to know more about my company or client?
Yes, of course. I am really interested in the way they work, the company culture, and the products / services. I am all ears.

What kind of company are you looking for?
A company, which has agile projects in house.

What is important for you?
I like a company, which is committed to go to the next test level and where I still can develop myself.

How do we stay in touch?
I prefer one contact person.

How often can I ask you something?
If there is an interesting job, you can ask any questions. Please don’t ask the same questions twice. It’s extremely annoying for me, especially if you have my recent CV.

When should I thank you?

  • After I sent you an e-mail.
  • For this blog post.

Disclaimer
I wrote this blog post on 8 December 2015. Things might have changed in the meantime.